yubel never liked me, growing up. she'd torment me often, and torment my brother in attempt to also get through to me and have me deal with the aftermath, which usually meant waking up and having to comfort judai many nights.
after the.. incident, and walking in on our dead father, i was kidnapped, probably by the killer himself. The house was beginning to go up in flames, and it could have been argued that the "killer" had actually tried to save me in that moment. I'm not sure what happened after that, all i knew was i woke up someplace far, far from home, with only my dhero deck, my dad's pocketwatch and the clothes on my back inside the back of a warehouse, before i passed out again. next time i woke up i was in a police station, and being picked up by my father's friend, who told me my brother either died or disappeared after the fire. So my brother was dead most likely, and he had assumed i was also dead. losing all my family turned me into a bitter.. shell of who i could have been.
with no living relatives (we didn't have like, grandparents who were alive, and mother was gone. Father had no brothers or sisters, no aunts or uncles for us.) i was brought under the guardianship of my fathers long time friend, and killer.
i trusted my new guardian (who in my canon was, a friend of my dads) to find judai and to find out who killed my father. he always told me he was looking, police were looking, and when police came by (i later learned he just had cop friends and they were never investigating my father's death nor finding my brother) he would act as if they were coming by to relay more empty news to us. the killer was never found, my brother was most likely for dead. he even held a mini vigil for judai, only really the neighbors came. why the man who cared for me worked this hard to separate us, i do not know.
during this time, i met saiou. he lived not far from where i moved to, just a few blocks away. he attended my fathers funeral (he attended every funeral, even for people he didnt know) as well as for judais vigil, and it was then he approached me. he said he knew how much i lost and how i felt, and he could lead me to the destiny i desired. little did i know at age like, 7, i had no idea what my "destiny" that i wanted was, nor did i know how much i would be manipulated by the boy (only three years older then me)into doing much of his dirty work, as well as making me think destiny was truly not something you could change. (it took me many years to overcome that after he left my life)
I filled the void by pushing myself forward, carving my own future for myself. or so i thought i was. i was told what i had to do: stay in school, excel in an after school activity, stay active, be a good kid. i became a quiet, complacent kid, stubborn but only to a point. the trauma from the past had never set in fully and was only a ghost in the back of my mind. So I excelled at school, even if it was a mindless numbing activity, and I worked my way into the pro duels as my "afterschool activity". i had many fans, and i adored them all dearly, even if i couldn't feel it or it was numbed at times. Even if those fans liked me, they would never know who i really was, and all the things i had endured. they wouldnt love me for who i was anyway. also i was only 15 and quite frankly, very gay. i did things for saiou on the side, and as repayment he gave me tarot readings, taught me about tarot, and about destiny (or his twisted version, at least). told me it was destiny so many bad things befell me, and there was nothing i could do to change anything. i mindlessly did things for him without much thought, as i wouldn't begin to think for myself until much later.i had a "crush" of a sort on him; it wasn't like i had other friends to fall for or knew what love was in a long time.
once i began to think to myself, after i became a pro duelist, once i had power and success, and had seemed to have reached the top, the things about my father and brother i had buried deep, deep down began to resurface, with schooling finished and little else to distract me. the trauma returned full force, and i was sent for mental help i probably should have had when i was younger then for it, but was masked because i was constantly working forward. with nothing to improve on, nothing to keep me moving forward after having reached the top and every detail saturated to the fullest. saiou tried to help but his form of help was more hurt. i decided, during that recovery period, therapist after therapist began to question me about my past, and it was because of them that i wanted to find my father and my brothers killers. i didnt tell anyone, except for saiou, who i told almost everything to at that point (i had no other friends), and he lost it. He told me i was straying from some path he saw for me. i retaliated by saying was it not you who told me there were multiple paths destiny can take? what if this is a different path of destiny? Saiou didnt like it but, i was too stubborn to back out, and told me while this path would lead me to destruction, he would at the least as a friend lead me to the end of it.
discovering the man who took me in to cover up the murder of my father was.. devastating. discovering the one friend who i thought i had who helped him was even more so devastating, and have said friend kill me was even worse. i think i died on the scale but was. somehow brought back, at some point. or was just injured enough to have been sent into a coma. coma is the more likely option.
when it comes to recalling some specific ways saoui used me, i draw a blank and think he might have found a way to burn the memories from my mind (i remember being subjected to white light, painfully), but i can subconsciously feel it, the damage he did. the fear, the fight or flight, the recall from being touched at all, the jumping from sudden noises. my actions screamed it more then my own memories did. i refused to let anyone else use me after that day, and would only live for myself, but would strive to bring justice.
i was able to see spirits, but not many. usually just my own dheroes, sometimes judais would appear to me, along with spirits who purposely wanted to be seen.. i was more passive about it, and maybe if i was more spiritually inclined or tried harder i could probably see them much more freely then i was limited to. i was a bit ignorant of spirits, believing my eyes were playing tricks on me at first, and when judai mentioned spirits I always thought he was making it up, until.. one of my own monsters, who had been trying to catch my attention, ended up appearing to me as a jump scare. Doom Lord was tired of me not noticing his presence, and decided to sneak up on me.. and scare the living shit out of me. I must have been 15. That certainly opened up my eyes to the spirit of my monsters. Doom Lord after that continued to jump scare me, as a running joke almost.
my dheroes were faithful companions, administers of justice. dasher helped me often once i was recruited into the army and was a lone scout/foot soldier. plasma, after having him returned to me, talked to me often, even if sometimes he gave me chills whenever he spoke to me. dystopia was a strategist like myself, and would often appear when i was deck building. double dude would follow me during cases, or just as a protective guard. he liked to keep a lookout for me (as many of my heroes did, they knew i was.. sensitive, and with the spirit of my father embedded in them they tended to have those protective instincts to them).
when i entered obelisk, i wore the same coat i wore in arc v. while.. the events between arc v and gx are different timelines. judai and i shared a room for a good duration of my time at duel academy.
i believe that the arc v timeline was different for edo, but it converges with GX timeline. academia when i was attending it had the beginnings of an army and a coast guard in the works, and offered jobs to seniors which would then be good for leading into careers into services, which they veiled such as police officers and pilots, etc. another difference for me was that when dueling yuya, i was not swayed as easily. it wasnt until judai arrived back suddenly one day out of nowhere did i believe that the fusion dimension was most definitely at risk. it took judais long awaited return after being presumed dead (while travelling dimensions, seeing firsthand the fusion dimensions damage and confirming my worst fears) for me to join yuya's side.
i was often depressed, or struggled with mental trauma and issues often. for a long time i refused to seek help, being too stubborn even if i had the money to seek help my manager felt i needed at one point. i eventually sought help. i did, however, have a bad on and off relationship with pain killers. it wasn't good or healthy. i wasn't close with many people, i kind of kept my distance from everyone and only opened up to people who.. really tried to open up to me themselves and saw me for good, or something.. i had been used multiple times, by people who i cared about, and didn't open up until i knew who the other person was. or was pestered enough times to. persistent people tend to easily get under my skin (not that thats a bad thing whatsoever). Most students at duel academy saw me as either as someone unapproachable due to status or an angry person (it happens when u have a half resting bitchface) so not too many people outside of judais friend group ever really interacted with me. adults and teachers loved me, per usual my closest friends were definitely judai, asuka, and ryo. ryo and is relationship was a lot more relaxed in our canon, and i dated him. i believe in my canon though, ryo had no younger brother and was a lot more like his season 1 self.
i dont think it was heartland i was sent to but, during a recruitment period i was drafted to be a scout. i was quick, thanks to the help of dasher,good in a pinch, and i quickly proved my value and was elected to be a higher up.....sort of. they kept me inside the whole time and i didnt do much except read files, which were very vague. i had begun to have my suspicions for a while and i figured they locked me away to keep me from speaking to anyone, threatening to hurt judai or anyone else i got close to if i ever dreamed of quitting the academia services. a lot of arc v's event for me as edo didn't happen for me or are extremely different.
memories from here are about a noncanon character i remember:
at some point, maybe once i was 21, i began donating a fair portion of money into orphanages, thinking back to how i was a child and how there are many children who end up losing one of both parents due to unfortunate circumstances. adopting was far from my mind, i merely wanted to see the children that my money was being donated to and learn about them, learn about the kids whos lives i was helping to change, plus i had mental health problems which would restrict me from adopting a child anyway. i ended up growing close to a girl, maybe 9 or 10. her name was lilly, or liliana, or something along those line (it might have been different but for the sake of referencing her as i write this, ill be calling her lilly). she was sweet, curious, and adored me instantly. the first time i visited the orphanage, she ran up to me, and smiled and told me she recognized me from television, and hugged my stomach. i couldnt really react to this: i was used to having people similar to my age or older then me fawn over me being a celebrity duelist, but it was actually one of my first experiences with a fan who was still a child. that first visit, i spent the rest of the visit sitting in a lounge chair, with her sitting on the edge of the armrest, looking at my dheroes and admiring them. she told me she always loved heroes, because they inspired her.
after that, i came and visited as often as my schedule allowed me. one of the workers worried about the child becoming dependent on me, only because she lost both her parents recently in a shooting and had no family who wanted to take her in after the experience, even though they divided her family's money amongst themselves and leaving very little for lilly in a savings account she would not have access to until she turned 18. The worker was worried she would grow to close to me and i would disappear after showing her kindness for a time period (since everyone knew i had no interest in adopting, and i kept my mental conditions under wraps). after every visit, she'd grab my hand, and look at me with her big doe eyes and ask if i would come back again. the first time she asked me, she said it was ok if i never did, and she was just happy to have met me.
i learned that when she was young, her family would take her on trips around the world. she wanted to see the mountains, ride horses, and go places her parents promised they would visit someday. so i did exactly that. it took a lot of convincing to get the orphanage to leave her under my care, but it wasnt like i was adopting, and it was for a short time period. the first time we went anywhere, we went skiing in the mountains. i refused to take her anywhere more dangerous then the bunny slopes and she'd pout because she wanted to go on the black diamond slopes instead. we stayed for two days before i legally had to return her. she asked me if i would come back again. i patted her hair and said "of course".
after several more trips (she loved horseback riding, she wasnt as fond of the beach but she enjoyed her first experience with it, she LOVED paragliding), eventually i had to come to terms with whether or not i was going to keep seeing her. my schedule with the army was getting more hectic and i had barely time to come see her once a week, to one every two weeks, to once a month. i took two months out of nowhere for a business trip and the next time i came and visited she looked... lost, tired, sad, saying no one else came to see her. after that i made the choice to fight for her adoption. there were a lot of opposing factors: i had bipolar disorder, and while it was being treated, i could have potentially become a threat to her if i had an out of hand manic episode. i was single, and gay, which if you were gay and in a longterm relationship ur chances of adoption increased. money wasn't a factor: i had enough to keep us living happily even if i lost my position in the army. my past trauma was another issue, thinking there was a chance i could snap for some reason. i countered that my trauma made me the best candidate for dealing with someone like lilly. they told me i should foster her first, for a year at the least before i could become a candidate to adopt her. and thats what i did.
lilly was about 11 or 12 when i first fostered her. she was surprised to find i didnt live in a mansion or anywhere really fancy, but was happy because "it feels more like a house". first thing we did was begin to decorate the guest room to be "her" room, getting her settled in enough so the house could truly, begin to feel like a home for her. sometimes awkward questions would erupt from her, especially about my dating history. upon finding out ive never dated a woman before, or didnt have a girlfriend, she asked me why, and id tell her it was because i never had time. she was smart though, and said "if you have time for me, you sure would have time for another girl in ur life!" and i told her it was because she was special. eventually i told her i only was interested in dating men, and it had been a many years since id last been with anyone. she thought it was endearing, and told me she wanted to see me happy someday with a real nice man who would treat me with kindness.
one night, only a month or so before i could become a candidate to adopt her, she noticed after i was dressed slightly better then usual, and had told her i would be back late and that i didnt have time to hire her usual babysitter that day (asuka) after setting her off to bed (with the tv on, which wasnt allowed, but i figured if i wasnt going to be home it was ok for her to get away with it). i pushed it off as it being a business meeting, but in reality it was a date. the second time it happened, but asuka was there this time, i said it was the same thing. a business meeting. but i am a bad liar, and asuka told her it was indeed a date. Lilly stayed up way later then she should have been allowed, and asuka gave me a "oops" look as she walked out the door, while i looked at her with a "what did you fucking do this time" and lilly was still awake, and yelled at me "YOU DIDNT TELL ME YOU WERE DATING SOMEONE!". oops. that night she forced me to stay in her room and tell her about how it went, about the guy. she was in love with sitcoms with romance aspects and knew way, way more then she should have at her age. she said she meant what she said about me being happy, and the moment this guy made me feel horrible she would kill them. i laughed, but i think she was serious about it. i think. i wouldnt underestimate it. she fell asleep on me, leaning on me as we both sat on her bed.
i surprised her for her birthday a year and a half into her foster care, with papers for adoption as well as a small gift. she was surprised when i only handed her a small letter at first, but was in tears by the end of it. she held me and cried, saying she loved me more then anything and was so thankful. i told her i loved her just as much, and would do my best to be the best father figure she could have. there was a problem with me adopting her, as before this, the government who had me stationed as a commander knew i had "no family" or any ties they could use to their advantage, but with the legal adoption of lilly i knew they could potentially use her against me. it was something that kept me from adopting her for those 6 months after i became a eligible to adopt. but i figured.. this was worth it, and if it came to that, i would have the power to fight back if i had to. it was a selfish decision, almost, in that sense, to adopt lilly when i knew this, but i did anyway. it made my daughter happy, so how could i regret it?
for her next birthday, i bought her a full-time horse lease with potential to buy (i wasnt going to buy her a horse... im not going to invest in that just yet, when shes only been riding for a year, maybe after a couple years more under her belt id reconsider that), but told her she had to really prove she wanted this horse, as not every kid gets a horse and she had to work hard to take care of it. and she did. i remember seeing the people who i hired to drive her's very nice, high end cars would come back with mud tracked on the underside of them, and laughed a bit as i tipped them a bit extra so they could get a car wash.
lilly was one of the few people who got to see my softer side, being an avoidant and pensive, mysterious, and sometimes an explosively angry man to the rest of the world.i died by an overdose, most likely only a few years before the events of 5ds.